EP 53 I'm SOOOOO Tired!
I remember being on the phone with a friend and we were just swapping basic war stories of motherhood and we both got on the subject of I’m so tired and it turned into this back and forth game we were playing.
She would say, “I’m so tired of not sleeping through the night!”
I would say, “ I’m so tired of laundry. It feels like it will never end.”
She would say, “I’m so tired of picking up a million little toys only for him to go back and destroy them again.”
And then I would say… (insert pretty much anything you can think of motherhood related and I probably said it.)
You get the point right.
The funny thing is yes I think we both could probably get some sleep but the kind of tiredness we were talking about had nothing to do with sleep. It was all the other stuff that was making us tired and I mean TIRRRRREEEEDDD.
Here’s the scoop I’ve heard many moms talk about how tired they are so I know it a pretty common thing. I know that it's something that every mom can relate to but my real question is why are we all so damn tired and is there a cure to this never ending fatigue?
I went to google like anyone does when they want to find an answer to a problem and guess what I stumbled upon?
A little thing called decision fatigue.
Can you take a wild guess and tell me how many decisions a mom makes in a average day? According to this article I found the average adult makes 35,000 decisisons a day and you can almost double that when you are talking to a mom.
Whether this is 100% true or not I think we can agree that holy cow that is a lot of decisions made in one day right?
Just hearing that number makes me exhausted.
I then went to my instagram and asked my audience what do you mean when you say your tired and here is what they said,
I'm tired because...
-I’m constantly thinking about everything that needs to be done
-I hear the word mom a million times a day.
-Everyday feels the same
-All the roles I have to play everyday (chef, maid, uber, manager, wife, etc.)
-I just want to chill without the guilt
You get it right the list goes on and on.
Ok so now that we understand what “tired” actually means? What are we going to do to help lighten this load? What are we going to do to feel a little less tired?
I don’t know.
Like I really don’t know.
I don’t know if we will ever not be tired.
I don’t think it actually possible.
Being a mother comes with endless responsibility that will always be there right? I mean maybe when our kids are out of the house and are in adulthood maybe then will be less tired. But for us mamas that still have kids in the house that are just at the beginning of their motherhood journey, I think we have years and years of “I’m tired.”
However here's what I do think we can do. I think we can get better a few things. This is myself included.
1. I think we can ask for help more and expect the help when it is offered.
2. I think we can let go or lower expectations on certain things. Like for example. My kids use to have this rigid after school routine that made me feel like a drill sergenant and not only stressed me out because they weren’t listening but made the kids miserable. They just got home from school were they were listening to someone for 6 hours now that they are home they just want to chill for a second and not be ordered around. So I lowered my expectations. I now give them a snack right away and give them some screen time. This not only puts them in a good mood but it also allows me to get a few things done before we move on to the dinner stage of the night.
3. Stop micromanaging when someone else is in charge. Listen I have been a culprit of this too. Hell the term mama bear didn’t come from now where right? Its are natural instinict to leave a 12 page list of instructions when someone else is helping. Its natural for use to pre do a million things just so they can be done the way they you want them to be done. Its natural for you call and text a million times just to make sure everything is ok.
Listen, this one I know we all can get better at and this is something my control freak brain had a hard time doing but I’m getting better at it. If someone is taking over a responsibility for you let them do it the way they want to. If you trust them enough to do the job then let them do the job. No they won’t do it like you and guess what thats ok.
Our kids need to different experiences and they need to develop different relationships and in those relationships things will be done differently. They are going to be ok if they don’t sing the a bedtime story but still read a book. They are ok if they didn’t cut the crust off the PB&J. They will be ok if they watch 30 mins of extra screen time with their grandparents. Trust me on this one letting go of this one or at least loosening up the reigns is going to lift a huge weight off our shoulders.
4. Lastly my favorite to keep reminding myself during this motherhood journey is that everything comes in seasons. And a wise woman once said new levels new devils. I actuallly don’t know who said that but it seemed to fit this topic. Motherhood will always come with a new set of challenges during every stage of life some will be harder than other but they will all fade. They will all be a distant memory one day so the best thing you can do is just stay present in it, do the best you can and give yourself some grace. You are doing the best that you can and your best is good enough. Your babies are going to be just fine. You are the exact mother that they need and thats all that matters.
So yes I know that doesn’t quickly solve the problem. No i didn’t find a magically pill that can cure all mom tiredness but I will definitely let you know if I do. But what I hope I did is made you feel a little less alone.