EP 52: Losing Yourself In Motherhood
Do you ever look at your life and wonder how the hell did I get here?
Is this all there is?
Is this what I was rushing to get to when I was at 16?
Something tells me I'm not alone when those questions. Some tells me that at some point in your motherhood journey you looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize yourself. Yes, I'm talking physically but more importantly I'm talking the true you. You know the you that was there before you had the mom title.
It happened to me. It scared me. It depressed me. It's still my journey.
Well lets fast forward friends for the sake of time…
I shed many, many, many tears in August of 2019
Tears from being exhausted.
Tear from not knowing what I was doing.
Tears from wanting this phase to be over.
Tears from feeling like a failure, yet again.
Tears from feeling like….why can’t I figure this out?
I wish this had a happy ending, I wish this had a 10 step plan on how I got my sh*t together. I wish as I’m sharing with you that all this is behind me but I have to be honest. Its not. Its has been a very long and emotional roller coaster.
Here is what I will say...here’s what I’m working on to help me get out of this space and hopefully stay out it.
How I'm getting out of the “I'm lost in motherhood" space
1. Not letting myself define myself as just a mother. Being a mother is one of the most important roles I play in my life but it isnt’ the only one. Before I had kids, I never identified myself as a sole thing… I was just Monica. Even when I got married I was still just Monica. But as soon as I had kids I became just mom. I’m working on finding Monica again
Spending time doing things that make me happy and make me feel like me. It's things that make me feel like Monica to be more specific.
For me it’s cooking, its salsa dancing (which i still need to do), its going to yoga. Its going on dates with my husband. Anything that allows me to take off my mom hat for a second and make me feel happy and alive….I’m 100% into
2. Connecting with friends. My best friend and I have a standing date 2 times a month to hang out and honestly its been the best thing that we have done in the 15 years we’ve been friends. Yes, she is still playing the mom role with her baby present and yes we still talk about the kids but for those few dedicated hours a month I know that I can take off that mom hat for moment and just be a friend. Just be Monica and connect with someone who knew me before I even had kids.
3.Stepping back into work. I’m not gonna lie this one has been very tricky for me. Complicated and confusing to say the least. I won’t bore you with all the the stuff but basically I’m in the process of really figuring out the question that everyone has asked you since you were in Kindergarten...So Monica what do you want to be when you grow up? Well friends I’m still working on.
Being a stay at home mom is not my life goal. I’m just not set up to do it. I know I’m here on this earth to help people but I’m working on ways that I can do that. So I’m in the explore stage currently, hoping to figure something out soon.
4. Carving out some Me time. I think you know already this but I’m a Self Care junkie. I talk about it alllll the time. Not because I’m over here just taking bubble baths and journaling for 3 hours a day but because I think we as moms needed to be reminded that we matter and I will continue to share that message until, well probably forever.
Anywho thats not the point of this point.
The point is I’m working on carving time out some time in the morning. Listen here folks you are hearing this first…. I’m embarking on the journey to join the 5am club. Starting Feb 24th I will be waking up everyday...yes everyday (weekends included) at 5am. Why well because this is my time everyday that I get to not be a mom. I get to not be a mom before everyone wakes up. I get to just be Monica and that it is important to me. Its important for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I’m excited to start this new habit and I expect it to bring good things.. Wish me luck
Ok so to wrap things up I share this story with you all because I know how taxing motherhood can on us. I know that there are so many of us that just wants to not be a mom for just one minute, one hour, one day. To feel like a whole person. A person that feels like that their needs and wants are valued.
I want you to know that you are worthy of all of this. I want you to know that you deserve this. I want you to know that you don’t have to let motherhood define you.
You were someone before you became a motherhood, now go out there and tapping into her and find her.